I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
