We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
