During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
