I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
