Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
