sorry about calling you the devil all night.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
