i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
