How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
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