i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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