If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
