Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
