hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
