Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
