My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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