i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
