I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
