Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
