is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
