hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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