It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
