he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
