At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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