think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
