Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
