Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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