well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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