so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
