Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
