O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
