I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
