your parents love me but you hate me
I wish life had little blips of pornography
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
