it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
