why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
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