Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
