he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
