1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
