Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I cannot find my penis.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
