between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
