I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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