what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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