It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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