apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
