He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
