Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
