so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
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