Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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