Small penises have feelings too.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I could fuck to npr.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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