i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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