I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
