I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
