So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
