Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
