My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
