You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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