So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
